Fanfic Reading: Indiana Jones.com

Man I suck at blogs.

Anyway, time for another story by THE PETE PETERSON EXPERIENCE. Last time we visited his works, he took on Red Dead Redemption and wrote a better plot (or so he claimed...). Now, in what he claims to be his best story, he takes on the beloved cinematic icon Indiana Jones.

And writes the single most batshit insane Indiana Jones fanfiction ever.

So join me as I take a look at his masterpiece, Indiana Jones.com (why's it titled that? I dunno.) It's labeled as "Indiana" on FF.net. Why? We're about to find out.

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THIS story is actually called Indiana jones DOT COM BUT the fanfuiction wont let me say . com'
Indania chapter 1 he can fly
A/N: this takes place after the 3rd movie but before the crystal skoal.

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 Translation: This fanfic is set between Last Crusade and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Not that this will make any sense whatsoever, but who am I to judge?
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ndiana jones waz at a cave on a cliff. he climbed in.
"I wonder whant is in here. " Indyadn jones said.
 he walked deeper and deepr into the tunnle. he saw a gold path. he walked in side. he saw a gold tube.

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 That "Show, Don't Tell" rule when it comes to writing? Fuck it!
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"this must be it." inday said. he left when he gone to the entrance to the tunnel. he saw a gay nazi flying towards him.

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"shit." he said. he shoved the gold tube up his ass. he jumped out and hoped there was a pillow or something bellow him.

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Dude, you just came out of a cave on the side of a cliff. I don't think there's gonna be any pillows. Also I just love how it says "he shoved the gold tube up his ass" like it required no explanation as to why he did such a thing.
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"!" he said as he fell. suddenly he was flying.
"what the fuck?" indjyu said. he then knew. he could fucking fly. he flew toward the nazi.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the nazi said. indy threw his hat into the engines. the hat flough out of the back of the plane. indy grabbed it. the plane exploded.

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"indjyu"'s fedora must be made out of pure steel.
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"hey why is my father in the groung?" indy said.
"June-ya? What the fuck are you up biatch?" Indie's dad says.

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This is Indy's dad Henry Jones Sr. (or as he'll be known in this fanfic, Dr. Jones/Jobens), played by Sean Connery. The running gag in Last Crusade was that he kept calling Indy "Junior", much to the latter's annoyance. In fact, when he finally called Indy "Indiana", it was an incredibly powerful moment. However, Jones Sr. was mentioned to have died in Crystal Skull... but since this fanfic is supposedly set before it, will we find out? It isn't finished yet so we don't know for sure... but we will learn some rather interesting (and by "interesting" I mean "hilariously absurd" things about Dr. Jones.
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"DAD! I CAN FUCKING FLY!" indy said.
he flew and picked him up.
"junior, you found it. you can fly."
"yes."
They held hands as they flew. indy sang.
"i was in a cave and there was a place where i found the tube now i can fly and never have i been so happy then flying with my pappy"

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Imagine Harrison Ford's voice singing that and try NOT to nearly piss yourself laughing. It's impossible.
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"i must tell you junor, i am most aroused." idie's dad said. THEN HE GOT an erection and creamed himself.

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 See what I meant earlier?
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"EWWWWWWW! GROSS!" indy said.
they flew around the world for another hour.
"junier i must tell you somthing/.
"whant?"

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"You make me cum my pantsh, june-ya!" 
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"i have been sent from the future to kill you."

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So... Dr. Jones is a Terminator? Oddly enough, the fact that a father was sent back in time from the future to kill the very person he fathered is one of the least insane things about this story.
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"NOOOOOOOOO!"
he smacked indy.
"WAHH!" IDNI"ES DAD SCREAMED AS WAVES CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH. the waves of power sent indy in to the futre!
he then teloported him into the future.
"bee bee bee." he said.
MEANWHILE IN THE FUTURE IN THE FUTURE IN THE FUTURE IN THE FUTURUE FURTUERE FUUTREU FUTRUE FUTRUE FUTRURE FUTURE

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What
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indy landed in an office.
"where the fuck am i." indy said? he saw a bunch of new york shiton the debsk.; an office worker came up to him.
"are u the new employee? the guys said.
"i dont even kwnow wheree the fuck am i? indy said as he grabbed the guy by the shirt.
"there;s not need to yell." the guy said.
"I WANT TO WHERE I AM!" IDNIAIA JONES SAID.
"we are in new yourk city."
"new york city? no no nononononnononononononon! what fucking building are we in?" indy said.
indy and the guy looked out the window.
"oh...fucking...my...fucking...SHIT!" indy said. he saw something coming to wards him.
it was...a plane!
he looked at the calender.
it said septembere 11 2001.

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"this is the world trade center." the guy said again.
" the what?" indie said.
"this is the world trade center."


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After ending on the most tasteless note imaginable, let's move on to chapter 2!
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