Anyway, time for another story by THE PETE PETERSON EXPERIENCE. Last time we visited his works, he took on Red Dead Redemption and wrote a better plot (or so he claimed...). Now, in what he claims to be his best story, he takes on the beloved cinematic icon Indiana Jones.
And writes the single most batshit insane Indiana Jones fanfiction ever.
So join me as I take a look at his masterpiece, Indiana Jones.com (why's it titled that? I dunno.) It's labeled as "Indiana" on FF.net. Why? We're about to find out.
...
THIS story is actually called Indiana jones DOT COM BUT the fanfuiction wont let me say . com'
Indania chapter 1 he can fly
A/N: this takes place after the 3rd movie but before the crystal skoal.
... Translation: This fanfic is set between Last Crusade and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Not that this will make any sense whatsoever, but who am I to judge?
...
ndiana jones waz at a cave on a cliff. he climbed in.
"I wonder whant is in here. " Indyadn jones said.
he walked deeper and deepr into the tunnle. he saw a gold path. he walked in side. he saw a gold tube.
... That "Show, Don't Tell" rule when it comes to writing? Fuck it!
...
"this must be it." inday said. he left when he gone to the entrance to the tunnel. he saw a gay nazi flying towards him.
...
...
"shit." he said. he shoved the gold tube up his ass. he jumped out and hoped there was a pillow or something bellow him.
... Dude, you just came out of a cave on the side of a cliff. I don't think there's gonna be any pillows. Also I just love how it says "he shoved the gold tube up his ass" like it required no explanation as to why he did such a thing.
...
"!" he said as he fell. suddenly he was flying.
"what the fuck?" indjyu said. he then knew. he could fucking fly. he flew toward the nazi.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the nazi said. indy threw his hat into the engines. the hat flough out of the back of the plane. indy grabbed it. the plane exploded.
... "indjyu"'s fedora must be made out of pure steel.
...
"hey why is my father in the groung?" indy said.
"June-ya? What the fuck are you up biatch?" Indie's dad says.
... This is Indy's dad Henry Jones Sr. (or as he'll be known in this fanfic, Dr. Jones/Jobens), played by Sean Connery. The running gag in Last Crusade was that he kept calling Indy "Junior", much to the latter's annoyance. In fact, when he finally called Indy "Indiana", it was an incredibly powerful moment.However, Jones Sr. was mentioned to have died in Crystal Skull... but since this fanfic is supposedly set before it, will we find out? It isn't finished yet so we don't know for sure... but we will learn some rather interesting (and by "interesting" I mean "hilariously absurd" things about Dr. Jones.
...
"DAD! I CAN FUCKING FLY!" indy said.
he flew and picked him up.
"junior, you found it. you can fly."
"yes."
They held hands as they flew. indy sang.
"i was in a cave and there was a place where i found the tube now i can fly and never have i been so happy then flying with my pappy"
... Imagine Harrison Ford's voice singing that and try NOT to nearly piss yourself laughing. It's impossible.
...
"i must tell you junor, i am most aroused." idie's dad said. THEN HE GOT an erection and creamed himself.
... See what I meant earlier?
...
"EWWWWWWW! GROSS!" indy said.
they flew around the world for another hour.
"junier i must tell you somthing/.
"whant?"
... "You make me cum my pantsh, june-ya!"
...
"i have been sent from the future to kill you."
... So... Dr. Jones is a Terminator? Oddly enough, the fact that a father was sent back in time from the future to kill the very person he fathered is one of the least insane things about this story.
...
"NOOOOOOOOO!"
he smacked indy.
"WAHH!" IDNI"ES DAD SCREAMED AS WAVES CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH. the waves of power sent indy in to the futre!
he then teloported him into the future.
"bee bee bee." he said.
MEANWHILE IN THE FUTURE IN THE FUTURE IN THE FUTURE IN THE FUTURUE FURTUERE FUUTREU FUTRUE FUTRUE FUTRURE FUTURE
... What
...
indy landed in an office.
"where the fuck am i." indy said? he saw a bunch of new york shiton the debsk.; an office worker came up to him.
"are u the new employee? the guys said.
"i dont even kwnow wheree the fuck am i? indy said as he grabbed the guy by the shirt.
"there;s not need to yell." the guy said.
"I WANT TO WHERE I AM!" IDNIAIA JONES SAID.
"we are in new yourk city."
"new york city? no no nononononnononononononon! what fucking building are we in?" indy said.
indy and the guy looked out the window.
"oh...fucking...my...fucking...SHIT!" indy said. he saw something coming to wards him.
it was...a plane!
he looked at the calender.
it said septembere 11 2001.
...
...
"this is the world trade center." the guy said again.
" the what?" indie said.
"this is the world trade center."
... After ending on the most tasteless note imaginable, let's move on to chapter 2!
...
Hey all, I decided to start up a blog where I post horrible fanfiction and add my own remarks to 'em. I'm open to suggestions, but just a disclaimer: No scat. Period.
Even I have my limits.
But anyway, let's get started with a story by one of my favorite badfic authors, THE PETE PETERSON EXPERIENCE. Here he takes on Red Dead Redemption, which just might be my favorite game of all time. Does he do the game's excellent story and characters justice? Ehhh.... we'll see!
Chapter 1 - John Marston The Man
A/N: I played red ded readempshun and it had a gay ending. So i wrote this and this will be a better story.
…
Hard to argue with that, I suppose.
...
Read dead redepmtion
John Marston was driving his ferrari around in the desert.
"Shit it's boring out here. Nothing to fuking do!" he said as he ran over a cactus.
… Somehow, I'm starting to question his claim that this will be a better story than that of the game. Can't put my finger on it, but I just have that feeling.
...
He then decided to go see bonnie mcfarlan. He did go there. She was happy to see him. And turned on, because she has a crush on john masrton.
… He actually wrote Bonnie pretty accurately (as far as this fanfic goes anyway). Not that accurately, but I'll take what I can get. Too bad he didn't do the same for the other characters, huh?
…
"hello John Marston."
"fuck off. this place is even more boring. I'm gonna go steal some shit." john marston said.
John drove away to his hideout and played video games.
…
Well, at least the story's historically accurate. I mean, everybody played video games and drove Ferraris in 1911. You didn't know? C'mon, it's common knowledge!
...
with his best friends the professor, and irish. Irish got fat since John last saw him.
... I'm assuming the professor is Harold MacDougal, a drug addict of a professor who is on a wilderness sabbatical from Yale. Irish is... well, he's pretty much a stereotypical drunk Irishman. Of course, slightly cringeworthy stereotypes are nothing new for Rockstar (hell, as much as I love San Andreas, Big Smoke - while fairly well developed - was pretty much a nosehair away from salivating at the mouth over watermelon and collard greens).
Where was I? Oh yes, the batshit fanfiction. ...
"John marston! If it isn't you." the fucking professor said.
"It better fucking be me, I'm the shit." Jawn said.
…
Well, at least we won't have to put "Jawn" on a suicide watch anytime soon.
…
He yawned. (A/N: heheheheheheheheheheeheheh)
"I built a jetpack for you to use." the fucking prof essor said. "we can fucking use it to fuck up some indiens."
"thats the fuckin motherfuckion shit. let me use it."
john strapped himself into the jet pack and flew off to the roof.
…
Once again, the amazing historical accuracy of this story both amazes AND educates!
...
'yeah this is the motherfukering shit balls of awesome motherucking ness bitch' john marstoni said.
…
Okay, quick question: Who the hell really talks like that? Aside from fucked up, batshit insane fanfiction writers, that is.
...
'it is still in its prototype phase but it will be done later. in the menatime do you want to play video games?' tyhe pro fesson said?
'hell yeah i wanna play grand theft auto 4000' john marston said as he turned his ps3 on.
…
Wait a minute. If he's playing Grand Theft Auto 4000, this must mean that this story is actually set in the distant future. But does that mean that RDR isn't really set in 1911, but rather a far-off post-apocalyptic future in which humanity has regressed to Old West times? I guess that explains why there are so many damn Grizzly Bears in Tall Trees; somewhere in the span of all those years, Grizzly Bears must have cross-bred with rabbits. Don't try to think about how that would work. Realistically, the bears would probably end up fucking the rabbits in two before anything could happen, but moving right along...
…
irish was drunk and being fat and threw up on the ps3.
"GODDDAMM IT EYE-RISH YOU FUCKING FAT FAGGOT! YOU MESS EVERYTHING UP YOU BITCH ASS CUNT FACED FUCK FACE BITCH. I FUCKING HATE YOU" JHONM SAID. HE WAS VERY ANGRY!
…
Understatement of the year.
…
"oh im sorry my dear boyio" irish said in a drunk accent.
…
I didn't know that the slurred speech that results from drunkenness was an accent. This story keeps on educating and educating. They should make kids read this in schools, for real.
…
he tried to clean up his messy pile of vomit with his beard but threw up more because he was gay and drunk.
"IM GONNA KICK YOUR FUCKING GAY IRISH ASS IRISH BITCH FUCKING FAGBGGOOT MUFFERFUCKERING MUFFIN MASTURBATER BITCH!" jom said as he pulled out a stick of dina-mite.
…
I am SO adding "Mufferfuckering Muffin Masturbater Bitch" to my personal lexicon of insults.
…
he shoved it up irish's ass and lit it. he threw irish out the window and irish's ass exploded. he didn't have an ass anymore. :(
"MY ASS! AH AHA HAAHAHAHAHAH MY ASS! its GONE!" irish said as he cried a lot. he couldn't poop or take a shit anymore!
…
Uh, Irish just got a pretty good chunk of his lower abdomen violently blown apart by having a stick of dynamite explode in his rectum. I'd think that not being able to take a shit would be the least of his problems right now.
…
"I'll get you for this john marston! you made a big mistake!" irish said as he ran away crying.
... Huh? You'd think having a stick of dynamite explode in his asshole would at least blow his legs off. Hey... maybe that's what happened to that Loveless guy in Will Smith's Wild Wild West.
...
"what a fag." the profession said.
"yeah" john marmston said.
"let's go to mexico. i want a burrito' the professor said.
"why" john marston said.
"because i'm hungry" the progressor said.
"oh" john marston said.
"yeP" the professor said.
"don't burritos give you gas?" john marston said.
…
Teeheehee because flatulence is funny (unless you're over six years old) teeheehee.
...
"yep" the professor said.
"wel maybe u shouldnt eat one if they give you gas" john marston said.
"why not" the profressor said.
"i don't know" john masrson said.
"well i won't get one then" the profressor said.
"but im not saying you shouldnt just get one and maybe a taco too. they have lots of tacos in mexico and i'm not just talking about the meat." john marston said with a winkyface like this ;)
"you mean like vagina" the profressor said.
... All that's missing is them chuckling like Beavis and Butt-Head. ...
"yeah lol" john marston said.
"no shit sherlock" the professor said
"well lets fucking go!" john marston said.
'wait" the professor said as he did crack and then they left to go on the train.
…
At this point, I'm seriously starting to wonder if THE PETE PETERSON EXPERIENCE isn't actually an insane supercomputer that's gained the ability to think up horrible fanfiction and write it out. Shit, the dialogue in Attack of the Clones flowed better than this.
...
"two tickets to mexico motherfucker" john said as he gave money to the gay conductor.
'thankssssss' the conductor said with a lisp because he was gay.
john got on the train and threw the conductor under the train. the train ran him over and john masrton shot him a lot juist to make sure he was dead.
'by joaf, why ddi you kill that man?" the prof prof said.
'BECAUSE HE WAS GAY!" jon marston said.
…
I'm beginning to get the feeling that John Marston has some issues.
…
"HAHAHAHA NICE HE WAS" the professor said as he rolled on teh floor laughing is his motherfucking ass off.
they got on the train and went to mexico
"so how many tacos and burritos are in mexioc?" the professore asked?
"LOTs. more than you can eat. the amount of tacos stretches out to the sun, you could build a house out of tacos. the mexicans aren't good for anytyhing except making tacos, it's true they just won't admdit it. " john explained.
…
As you can see, the author's opinions of both homosexuals and Mexicans is very enlightened.
…
"cool" the prof said.
"yeah..." john said as he lit up a cigerrrette.
"im sorry sir, no smoking on this train' the new conductor said.
"FUCK OFF CHUMPWEED" John said as he blew smoke in the professor's face.
"AHAHAHAHAHA" the professor coughed.
"I SAID NO FUCKING SMOKING ON THIS TRAIN" THE COUNDCTER SAID. HE WAS GETTIN PISSED!
"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE LICKER!" John said. he took a huge hit off his cigeretttae and lit a joint at the same time. he held his breath for a LONG TIME and breathed out a shit load of smoke and soon no one could see shit in the train because there was so much fucking smoke.
…
I guess John Marston has lungs of steel. Not quite as cool as Duke Nukem's balls of steel, but close.
…
"COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH" everyone said.
"RUN PROFESSOR" john said as he run out of the train car.
"GEEEET HIM!" the conductor yelled.
john and the professor got into the front of the fucking train.
"john...i have to tell you something' the professor said.
"whant is that prof?" john marston said.
"i have never smoked before." the prof said. he was sad and strarted to cry.
... Hey, I've never smoked before, and you don't see ME crying about it. Pussy.
...
'oh yeah? want to now? john said?
'yes i like mairjaioiana' the prof said.
... I can't say I've ever heard of this drug. I've heard that marijuana is pretty good, though.
...
john took a lot of weed and put it intoi the train where the fire and shit goes and shoved the professors head in there too. he got so high.
but it was too late.
the conductor made it to the train.
"ITS THE END OF THE FUCKING LINE FOR YOU JOHN MARSTON YOU BITCH ASS!" the counductor said. he was mad.
"JOHN MY HEAD IS STUCK IN THE TRAIN" professor said. he was crying again but he was also high.
john masrson flipped off the conductor and shot him. he took a dynamito stick and threw it at the other people they died. he took the steering wheel of hte train and drove off the tracks back on to the road.
"JOHN MY HEAD IS STUCK IN THE TRAIN" professor said. he was crying again but he was also high.
"HAHAHA YOU TRAINHEAD BITCH" john said as he kicked the professor's ass with his boot.
…
"Trainhead Bitch"? Another one for my lexicon of insults.
…
he kicked him again just for fun. and again but that was too many times because now the professor was stuck inside the train!
"" the professor screamed as flames engulfed him and john laughed.
"how are you going to do crack now, you fag?" john said. he threw a grenade into the train and destroyed whatever was left of the prof.
…
Irish and the professor were just earlier stated to be John Marston's best friends. John shoved a lit stick of dynamite up Irish's ass and brutally murdered the professor. Somehow, I doubt I'd want to be best friends with John Marston. Or be within 50 feet of him, for that matter.
…
he finally made it to mexico. the parking was really bad though, john parked the train in the parking lot next to a lot of donkeys and shit. liertal shit because it was mexico and it smelled really bad.
john went into the bar. he shot a nearby donkey and it pissed off the mexicans.
…
John Marston…. *puts on shades* …shows his ass. YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH
….
"HEY ASSHOLES, I WANT A FUCKING TACO" john said.
"you shouldn't say that homes.' Landon Ricketts said.
…
Landon Ricketts is an old, retired gunslinger who acts as sort of a mentor figure to John while he's in Mexico and bears a striking resemblance to Sam Elliot. None of that's going to matter in this story.
...
'sup landon" john marston said. he hugged lando cuz he was cool.
…
Of course Lando's cool. He's played by Billy Dee Williams! Not sure what he's doing in 1911 (or is that post-apocalyptic future?) Mexico, but whatever.
…
"what's kicking my man?" Landon Rixetx said.
…
Ask your doctor if Rixetx is right for you!
...
"not much bro, i killed a bunch of gay people on the train and drove it here because i want a fucking taco or burrito.' john amrston said.
"yeah?"
"yeah."
"cool"
"but you gotta watch it arounjd these people. tacos are sacred to them. there is a taco mine out side of town, let's go." landon rickets said.
"ok!" john marston said as he smiled big!
… A taco mine?..... whatever. Let's get this shit finished.
...
they went outside and john whistled and his ferrari came to him like his horse does in the fucking video game if you whistle.
"HOW THE FUCK YOU GET THAT SHIT? lando said, he was confused and interested and a little aroused. he had visible wood.
…
So Lando has a car fetish. And I thought selling his buddies out to Darth Vader and the Empire was fucked up.
...
john marston was wallking a lot in the desert. he had been there for week without food or water or anything.
"UUUUUHHHHH FUCK" john marshmstoon staid.
…
This was actually my reaction to trying to pronounce "marshmstoon".
...
he looked in a cave and found...
A FUCKIN CAR
"OH YEAH" Jon Marson said. he got in the car and crashed into a cave rock thing.
shit.' john marston says. then the cave started to rumble.
"OH YEAH" the kool aid man said as he burst through the wall.
…
SERIOUSLY? As if his horribly inaccurate Red Dead Redemption fanfic wasn't fucked up enough already, he had to throw in the fucking KOOL-AID MAN?! What's next, a L.A. Noire fanfic guest-starring the Trix rabbit? "I know you're lying to me. You're really the Trix Rabbit, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?! SILLY RABBIT, TRIX ARE FOR KIDS! CONFESS OR I WILL BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!"
…
'what the fuck are you doing here" jom marston said.
"you stole my fucking catchprhase so im gonna kick your ass you white trahs mother fucker' the kool aid man said. he was mad.
"fuck you, cool aid is crap!" john marston said as he went into dead i mode and shot the kool aid man. the cool aid man was bleeding kool aid all over the floor
" """"
"AHAHAHAHAHA" JOGHN MARSTON laughed.
john then drank what was left of the kool aid man.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the kool aid man screamed as john marston drank what was his life essence. there was no way he'd make it into the afterlife now. his soul was the kool aide.
... I swear I saw something just like this in a Family Guy episode.
...
"yum, i fucking love kool aide" john marston said. he got into his ferrari and drove out to thee dessert.
"WOW! THAT"S COOL" landon ricket said.
then they falled into the ground and were surrouned by taco meat.
... On to chapter 2. Did I mention that this was 3 chapters long (so far)?
...
Chapter 2 John Marston the Fucking Man
a/n: Fuck off haters. And fuck jessica. bitch
... ? ...
John marston was trapped 400 feet below ground in the mexian dessert and taco meat was about to comsome him.
Lando and John were surrounded by taco meat.
'where the fuck did all this tacko meat come frum?" john said. he was really scared and crying.
"IDFK!" landon said. he was sad and scared too.
... Does Landon have a BFF named Jill?
...
john started shooting at the taco Meat with his gun. it did not a thing.
John started to whip the taco meat with his Lasso.
"WAH-ROOOO" the taco meat cried. it backed off a bit.
... What
...
"it's workin jon!" landon said as tears strreamed down his old ass fucking face.
"YEAH"! jhon said as he kept whipping the taco meat like he was indiana jones.
but this Only made the taco meat more mad! more taco meat flooded into the mine shaft and started to drown landon and john!
... WHAT
...
"glub glub ga blug" john and landon said as they drowned.
...
Is it sad that this music STILL scares the shit out of me?
...
THEN a miracled happened.
"ey mayne, there's tacos down here" desantoo said.
... Guest starring Tony Montana as de Santa (Captain in the Mexican army, total asshole, and possible closeted homosexual, not that any of this will matter)... or "desantoo". I bet he has beeeeg cajones, mayne.
...
"wait" jon said. "this is gay."
"yeah, you're right." lando said.
They left through a door that said exit as deansanta fell in to the pit and started eating all the taco meet.
... Wait, why didn't they go through this door when the taco meat was attacking or whatever the fuck just happened?
...
"That sure was gay john." lander said. He was still sweating
"Yeauhp it shur wuz" Jon (A/n: NOT JOHN FROM GARFEILD LOLOLOLOLOL) said like a western cowboy, which he was.
...
...
"Wanna play some basketball?"
"Fux" Which means yes in cowboy western talk, which he spoke. "ho shit bitch" he said twice as he looked up at the sky over amradildo.
... Come visit beautiful Amradildo! Located just east of Amrafleshlight and south of Amrasexdoll!
...
"whut is it bro?" Lando saidi.
"LOOK AT THAT SHIT!"
He looked at that shit, and saw the sky over armadildo had turned black and firey. FUcking shit was going down. fire was falling on the entire DED READ REMPTEDITION map. they could tell.
... You know, aside from the title I'm pretty sure "Red Dead Redemption" hasn't been spelled right once.
...
"IS THAT A GIANT CRAB MONSTER?" John said. "YES . it is." he said to himself.
... ATTACK ITS WEAK POINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE, JOHN MARSTON. Also he's having a conversation with himself. Not healthy.
...
"SHOOT THAT FUCKER BEFORE IT KILLS US ALLLLLLLL."
the giant crab monster, whos name is GARBENOV, began to fucking walk towards them.
"USE YOUR REVOLVENER! JOOOHHHNNNN!" Landon said as he was almost crupped by the crab.
John whipped out not his dick but his other trusted hot hard weapon. His gun. it was pretty cool
"REVOLVERRERERER GROOOO!" He said as he shot a million bullets into the crab's fucking face.
...
One more thing: OH FUCK NEVER LOOK UP DISCORD ON GOGGLE IMAGES WITH SAFESEARCH TURNED OFF. Unless you're into that sort of thing, that is.
...
it was dead immediately, but it crushed irishes house.
"heheheheh" john and landon said.
"now we have a new misterry. who the FUCK put a giant crab in the map of RED DED READEM
"I don't know landon." john said pissed offedly. "but I do know I'm gonna shoot that fucker in the testicles."
... Time for chapter 3 now. Enjoy it while it lasts. I know I will.
...
RED DEAD BUT WITH A GOOD ENDING CHAPTER iii
The day the world faded away
a/n: i have nothing to say to you mother fuckers. rate and review please!
... Last time I checked, insulting your readers wasn't a good way to get ratings and reviews. The kind that you would want, anyway. ...
"Man John, who the fuck makes a giant crab monster?" Joh nsmarston said, standing next to a horse's ass.
"it wasn't made john." lander rickety rickets said. "It was fused."
"fused! what the shit are you on, fucking old man! FUCK!" john marston said as he shot the horse.
"somebody fused that crab thing with something else...something liek...bigness. I don't think the fusing will starp here."
"shit."
then that goverment guy came up behind JOHN MARSTON.
"hey fuckface" the governing dude said.
... This guy?
All that description is missing is the part about him having a habit of greeting people with "hey fuckface".
...
"what do you want, you pile of std's" john siad
... And another insult for the lexicon! ...
"it seems to me john that you still Owe me some shit." he said, rolling out a sheet of paper that rolled all the way to fucking mexico or some shit, it was that fucking long.
"what the fucking fucking FUCK do I owe you! you made me come to america to kill guys."
"and you done did that shit. but I aint done with this bitch. you gotta..."
John gasped, cried, and shat his pants at the same time when he heard him say.
... To be fair, I'd do the same thing if I got told I'd have to, say, take programming again.
...
"go back and finish high school"
the goverment guy snapped his fingers, and john was back in high school!
... Guest starring John De Lancie as Edgar Ross.
...
"what THE fuck?" John said in his desk. he had his geeky clothes again.
"langueange, mister marton, don't fuck with me. i'm the shit around here." the teacher, Mrs. Manly said. she looked like a dude.
jerrn loked around the klass. he saw bonnie, his wife, professor, landon, mexican dude desanto or whatever the fuck his name was, jack was there too.
'pa, what're all of yew new guys doing here?" jack said in his fucking shitty FUCKING voice.
... I don't think our author made his feelings about Jack Marston's voice very clear. Also, I love how he refers to de Santa as "mexican dude desanto or whatever the fuck his name was".
...
john mareston stared at his son, got up, and beat the pissing fuck out of him.
"don't fucking dont talk to your father that way"
the class cheered.
... Because there's nothing more worthy of applause than physical child abuse. ...
"that shit was pretty tits." john said to .heh
"settle down you dumb fucks." mrs. manly said. "open your teckst buks to page 31834758092734985172586 where we will begin learing about fusing"
... FOR FUCK'S SAKE LEARN HOW TO FUCKING SPELL
...
"who! didn't lander tell me to fucking learn this shit? FUSING?" john thought and said.
"shut the fuck up john marston."
john tried to listen to mrs. manly talk about fusing, but it was facking borning.
"this is gay, I'm gonna go play hooky and play cod, he said, making sure to shoot irish in the dick on his way out.
... Wasn't blowing Irish's ass up with a stick of dynamite enough without castrating him, too?
...
john set up his new XBOX 360 and put in MW3 it was pretty fucking sweet. he lit a joint (which makes playing better) and started playing. the room was so full of smoke he could almsot see the screen on his sick flatscreen set up.
... I don't know what the best part of this paragraph is: The fact that the author is batshit insane enough to claim that smoking pot makes playing games more fun (I've never smoked before, but I still have my doubts it would work all the time. Would smoking Chronic really improve something like Bomberman: Act Zero?), or the fact that John's marijuana smoke makes the game 3D. At least, I think it does. It's hard to tell.
...
"this game is pretty tits."
... John Marston would make an amazing video game critic. ...
landon and the government guy walked through the door.
"jern, I had to make sure you were not skipping and playing hooky, but looky looky what we fooky fooky have here." the goverment said.
...
...
"john. you were supposed to learn about FUSING. you fuck" landnad said.
"hey fuck you guys, I'm having fun.!" he pulled revolvernator out and hsot landon and missed, and then he shot the goverment in the arm. he exploded with darkness.
"what the fuck was that shit.
"john marston. i think he was a fusing too."
landon started crying.
"I'm so sorry! i'm gay. i shuld have hulped you and trested YOU!UUU!"
"nah it's cool man." indy said.
... Such powerful drama- wait. Indy?! I guess the author got one batshit insane fanfic of his confused with another (Indiana Jones.com or "Indiana" as it's labeled on FF.net, which is actually even more insane than this story) for a second.
...
"shit man, you gotta fucking kill me or something. if that goverment guy was a fusing, who else could be one?"
... Oh shit, this is turning into a really stupid version of The Thing.
...
"I aint gonna kill your bitch ass. we gotta find out who the fuck is behind all this. their testicles have a name that's on one or two of my bulltest." marston said like a badass.
...
That is a badass line.
...
"fuck yeh we does."
they walked out of the house.
"but first you gotta have thanksgiving dinner with your family."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
...
The End... for now.
The interesting thing about this story is that he pretty much retooled John Marston, the Professor and Irish into his fucked-up versions of Sly Cooper, Bentley and Murray. Yep, just check out PPE's FF.net page, and the vast majority of it is nonsensical, batshit insane Sly Cooper fanfics. I'll DEFINITELY be checking those out.
In the meantime, stay tuned for more horrible shit.
